Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Sunday, December 28, 2008
A. Put the logo on your blog.
B. Add a link to the person who awarded you.
C. Nominate ten other blogs, add links to those blogs, and leave a message for your nominees on their blogs.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
These are a few pictures from today. Renah was not happy about her scooter at first, but now loves it. Ainsley has been asking for one for awhile and was so excited. Ainsley said it was the best Christmas ever and that did us good. I hope you all had a wonderful day too.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
That's how long Wade and I have been married today. Wow, we have had quite a ride so far. We have lived in 12 different houses together and he had a couple of others while deployed. 2 countries (together) and 4 states! I love him more today than the day we married. He is my best friend and I cannot imagine life without him. So here we are then and now (ok not really now but we don't have our latest pics from my BIL) Yes, I realize these are not he best quality. I did a very technical thing with them - I took a picture of a picture hanging on the wall!
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Wow it has been a busy few days. Here has been what's happened:
So as you can see we have had Ainsley in the handbell choirs, Renah was in the cherub choir, Ainsley was student of the month and had her first cheerleading game. And it's only Tuesday!
Ainsley's cheering brought back so many funny memories of me cheering - even the same color uniform! I am helping her learn the cheers and it is so many of the ones I did in school lol! She loved it and was so cute out there!
God has really shown his protection this week, you can read about it in my husband's blog. It was a real eye opener for us, and how we have to guard ourselves and our family in prayer and constantly be listening to the voice of God.
The rest of the week looks to be just as busy as this first half but I will try to stay connected. Have a good week!
Thursday, December 11, 2008
I would be 25 weeks pregnant by now. It is difficult to see pregnant women. I am not jealous or angry that they are pregnant, just sad that I am not. We are thinking of trying again soon. I have said before I am not trying to replace Mishael, but I do want a baby. I will never forget how happy I was while pregnant nor will I forget the misery I have gone through since finding out he was gone, but I know in my heart that my family is not complete yet. And I know that when we feel we are done having children, my family still will not be complete until we are reunited in heaven. I'm sorry if none of this makes sense.
When I started this blog, I just did it for me and anyone who would read. I still don't know who all reads it, but it has been so beneficial for me. I met someone at a Christmas party the other night. He works at the counseling center at the school, Wade was talking to him and called me over. 18 years ago, when his wife was 39 weeks pregnant they found out that the cord was wrapped around the baby's neck and she had died. He asked how I was and I of course started crying. He told me that just that week he had found his wife lying in bed crying because she missed Emily. He told me to come by anytime to talk to him if I wanted and I thought about it and might, but I really get out so many of my feelings here.
I know it would probably be good but I don't know if I am ready to share my grief face to face yet. That sounds crazy I know, but writing it down as I can is different than going to someone and telling them how I hate this happened and how much I miss him. Either way nothing changes the fact that he is gone. Well, this was not what I intended to write about , but that is the beauty of it. I can write what comes out and you can choose not to read it if you like. But if you did get this far, have a good day.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Saturday, December 6, 2008
1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper for the family and gift bags for others, not because I don't care but I am not a good wrapper or rapper for that matter.
2. Real tree or Artificial? Last year we went with real and I think as long as we are stateside we will have the real thing!
3. When do you put up the tree? I like putting it up the Saturday after Thanksgiving but this year we were out of town so we are putting it up today
4. When do you take the tree down? New Years Day
5. Do you like eggnog? Yes, in small amounts though
6. Favorite gift received as a child? Probably the year I received the walkman - yes, a cassette one!
7. Hardest person to buy for? My husband and FIL
8. Easiest person to buy for? The kids and my MIL
9. Do you have a nativity scene? I think we lost that on one of our many moves
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail absolutely!
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? I got a gold sparkly black sweater from my mom right after I got married. I gushed over that ugly thing and later my husband cautiously asked me, " So you like that sweater your mom got you?" I laughed and said "absolutely not but my mom always buys me ugly clothes and I have had years of experience pretending to like them!" I was impressed with my acting abilities!
12. Favorite Christmas Movie? A Christmas Movie and It's a Wonderful Life - 2 very different types but I love them both
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Whenever the spirit leads. - yep me too
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? guilty - 3 words- seashell picture frames
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? too much to choose from
16. Lights on the tree? Yes! I prefer white lights but Wade and the girls are all about the colors
17. Favorite Christmas song? Oh Holy Night
18.Travel at Christmas or stay home? Stay home!
19. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer? Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixon! Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen! But do you recall… the most famous reindeer of aaaaaaaaaall… Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer! - "borrowed"
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? We have an angel whose wings light up and move but I think might be too big for the size tree we will need this year
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? One on Christmas Eve - new jammies and the rest Christmas morning
22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? Christmas decorations put out too early. Patience, people! Let’s enjoy Thanksgiving first! - I agree
23. Favorite ornament theme or color? I like them ALL!
24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? Ham and the sides
25. What do you want for Christmas this year? good memories
Friday, December 5, 2008
You ought to know that I am here (near)
You ought to know I'll be here to love you
Just to love you
Through all the pain and through the years
I'll be the one to dry your tears
I love you, I love you
Because you're mine
Child of mine I know that you're hurting
And I've seen you try to soldier on
I am here to lift away your burden
And I will hold you till the pain is gone
So today I promise forever
Tomorrow I'll say it again
You would give it all to know the answers
And I know you've heard this all before
I'm just here to help your heart remember
That no one else could ever love you more
So today I promise forever
Tomorrow, I'll say it again
So don't you ever doubt
You are my precious child
my glory in the making
The years will bring you many trials
But I will never let you down
I'm here with my arms open just waiting for
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
8 TV Shows I love to watch:
1. Jon and Kate Plus 8
2. The Office
4. Biggest Loser
6. HDTV - anything!
7. According to Jim
8. The Dugger's on TLC
8 Favorite Restaurants:
1. Macaroni Grill
2. Olive Garden
6. Cracker Barrel
8. Giada's (in Italy - my favorite!)
8 Things that happened today:
1. Got Ainsley to school.
2. Went to Physical Science
3. Had lunch at Lee with friends
4. Went to the gym
5. Made cornbread.
6. cleaned the living room a bit
7. procrastinated my studying
8. Caught up on reading blogs
8 Things I am looking forward to:
1. Finals being over!
2.A clean house once school is over
4. My 9th anniversary coming up
6. Christmas shopping
7. My girls faces Christmas morning
8. Seeing my son again
8 Things on my Wish list:
1. A minivan
2. A computer for me so we could stop having to share
3.A nice vacation
4. A chance to have another baby
5.A constantly clean house
6. debt free
7. A massage
8. straight A's
People I tag: I don't know who all reads this -so if I didn't list you consider yourself tagged
Monday, November 24, 2008
Ainsley is really sick right now so if you think about it, would you send up a prayer for her. She is so excited about the trip tomorrow and I hate that she is feeling so badly. She missed school today and her Christmas program at school tonight. Now it looks as though Renah is coming down with the same thing. I just want them to feel better!
Today Renah turned 4. On a very rainy night she came into this world. We dropped Ainsley off at a sitter's and proceeded to the hospital. The roads were so flooded that the car stalled twice. I began to panic as contractions were getting closer that I was going to deliver in the car! We joked we were going to change her name to Raina! But we did make it to the hospital and after making us walk around (which to my husband meant climbing stairs!) to ensure it was true labor, they admitted me. At 1:26 in the morning she was born. 7 lbs 14 oz 21 inches. The midwife let my husband deliver her since he missed the first birth. She was born to be a little sister. She is mischevious and knows how to get what she wants. Ainsley spoiles her rotten! She loves her stuffed animals and baby dolls. Still a baby in some ways but excerts her independance often. She is our strong willed child in every sense! I just love this girl!
Thursday, November 20, 2008
I think we as women have such high expectations of ourselves and when we fall short (because we will) we feel like we have failed as a wife, mom, and woman. I am not saying to let it all slide like I have been lately, but not to hold who we are in what we do. Those are just the thoughts I am having right now.
Also, last night I was watching "17 kids and counting" b/c I am fascinated by that show and would love to have a large family with better hair and clothes b/c deep down, I'm still kindof shallow! Anyway - I derailed! They were making their own laundry detergent. They can make their own for about $3 for 2 months worth for a family that size. Then today, I was reading a blog and she said she made her own as well. I love making things myself! I always make Christmas presents and am really intrigued by making my own laundry detergent. I may try it, maybe in part b/c it fits into my ideal day and doing so much! What is your ideal day?
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
I decided to put a few pictures up. The first one is of Ainsley, she is enjoying her after school snack of popcorn. The second is of Renah and while it is hard to see, she is wearing those gross "Bubba teeth." She got some the other day and loves them. The last is a picture I decided to work on. When Wade and I first came home from the doctor's office, Wade took the ultrasound pictures and put them away so I wouldn't have to look at them for awhile. The other day I told him I wanted them back out. He said h only put them up until I was ready to have them out. I wasn't sure how ready I was but when I looked around the living room and saw pictures of my girls I needed a picture of my son. The cross is something the nurses put with him for the pictures they took of him. And while I do have those pictures of him after I delievered, I needed these put up. I found some scrapbooking stickers for the letters and put the meaning of his name on the frame. Some may think it is a little morbid, but it helps me and I feel is a good reminder.
So this weekend I got the reminder that women get that they are not pregnant. I had and have mixed feelings. Part of me was a little glad because it means we can start thinking of another child and another part knows I shouldn't be thinking about getting pregnant right now because I should be pregnant. But I am not and nothing I can do will bring back that pregnancy. I am not trying to replace my son nor do I think by getting pregnant I will feel better. God knows the right timing for me though.
We had a good weekend. Friday noght was the harvest festival at Ainsley's school. I won a gift certificate to a little shop downtown and found a few things this afternoon. Saturday, Wade and I went to Gatlinburg. We had about an hour and a half total to shop and we saw "The Miracle", it is a musical about the birth, life, death and resurrection of Jesus. It was really good. It was a nice day for Wade and I. Some time together we needed. Well, I thank you if you read. I know I tend to ramble. Mostly, this is my therapy, it helps me to write about what has happened. But I do enjoy the writing. i hope you have a great afternoon.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
We are going to Gatlinburg Saturday. Our university got a trip together for the married students with kids. They have childcare and the parents get to spend the day at the outlet shops and we can go to the Miracle Theater for only $10 a ticket! Part of me feel guilty for leaving the girls all day but the other part is so excited to have a day with hubby. I was online last night and found a necklace i decided to get. It has little baby feet and the back can be engraved. I have been thinking about it and have wanted something to commemorate Mishael. I don't why I needed it but I did. When I get it I will take a picture and post it. I hope you have a great evening, I am off to do this video!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Saturday, November 8, 2008
I did not have class today and that was nice. I wanted to clean all day but when I got home from taking Ainsley to school I laid back down- I was so tired. I did get some things done but not everything I wanted done. I think I set unreal expectiations sometimes. I have been feeling so overwhelmed since losing my baby and have had such a hard time keeping up with the house and schoolwork. I can't seem to find the energy or the desire to try and get everything done. I am trying but just can't yet. But I knew that if I could clean up today, it would help some.
I was in my counseling class yesterday, we had to ge with someone we don't know well and do some mock counseling. I was not looking forward to it and when I sat down with the girl, we started talking. The assignment was to try out a certain technique and discuss some problem we have or something we have been going through. The whole time I was the "counselor" I was trying to figure out how to discuss something without crying. I didn't make it two words so I told her when happened. I was embarrased because I really didn't want to bring her down and make the whole thing about me.
I talked to Wade afterwards and he told me not to be embarrassed about it because it is a real problem and is something they will need to work with if they become a counselor. Part of me knew that but did not want to break down in class again. Well, I did not mean for this post to be this long. I need to go to sleep - it's 1 in the morning, but I has tea for dinner and the caffeine is keeping me up. Blogging is better than laying here trying to sleep, so maybe I will type for swhile longer. When I started blogging I had no real reason except just to journal, but I am so thankful I did, this is very therapeutic. And even if no one reads it but me, it is good to get all of these emotions out.
I feel God has had His hand on so many things even the small things such as starting a blog and reading others that have helped grow my faith. I started reading the Audrey Caroline blog a few months before I got pregnant. Hearing her story has strengthened me and helped me in my journey. When I was sitting in the doctor's office, waiting to get the ultrasound, God brought back to my rememberance the time she wrote about her ultrasound when she found out about her baby's illness. She said to the technichian, "God is still God and He is still on the throne" That is what I kept repeating to myself while I sat there. I knew something was not right, but until the bleeding began I had no proof. But my God is amazing and loves me enough to teach me things before I need them.
He is showing me His love more and more every day. He shows me in so many ways and through people, especially my husband. He is such an amazing husband and has been here for me and my emotions over the past 3 weeks. I feel bad because I don't feel I have been there for him like he has been there for me, but he just keeps giving to me and letting me deal my grief. I am so thankful for him. Well, I am going to attempt sleep now. Goodnight.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
I am so thankful for the children I have but miss the child that is gone. I believe a loss of a child is horrible, no matter the amount of children one has. Someone said, "at least it wasn't your first child, you have 2 others". I know what I am missing by this child not being here in my tummy and later in our lives. I know the good and the bad- late nights, early mornings, first smiles, laughs, hugs and kisses of a child. If this were my first I wouldn't know what I was missing but would know that I was missing something amazing. Looking at both sides I don't believe either one has it "easier".
I have also had some, "aside from that how are you?" Right now there isn't an aside from that, that is all I feel right now. I know people are trying to help but they can't it is something I must deal with in my own time. Wednesdays and Thursdays are especially tough. Wednesday was the day I found out and Thursday is the day I delievered him. I am having a hard time with being involved right now. I have always been one to volunteer for things and usually stretch myself too thin but love it, right now, I don't enjoy voluteering. I am having a hard enough time with what has to be done. I am trying so hard though not to make people feel uncomfortable in my grief. A friend told me to be as selfish as I want right now, it is about Wade and I no one else. Life is like standing at an escalator trying to step on, you know if you want to get up you have to but you are scared, life is going on around me sooner or later I have to get back on. I just don't think it will be sooner.
While Sept.11 did happen and it was horrendous, because we have such a strong military, we don't see things like that more often. They are brave and strong over the past 8 years have been taken care of. While I do not agree with Bush on many things, I do know he had our military in mind. It was so hard to cast my vote 4 years ago for Bush because I knew when I cast that vote, I was casting a vote for my husband to be deployed again and possible hurt or worse. But I knew in my heart it was the right decision for my country.
The military has to make hard decisions that affect their family and country every day and deserve to have respect and to be provided for. Did you know that a solider who has a family and is less than an E-6 rank qualifies for WIC and in some cases food stamps? It is sad that our heroes are not being cared for in the way they should be. I am thankful those programs are available to them but they should not have to need it. As I said last night, God is not surprised by this it is all in His hands. Just pray for our nation and our new president.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Monday, November 3, 2008
So guess who learned how to add pictures? Just not yet how to get them in the order I want! The doctor is Renah and supergirl is Ainsley. The pumpkin in the far left is what Ainsley drew and we carved it. The far right is Renah's - it requires a bit more imagination but we still liked it. I did the 2 in the middle and apparantly didn't realize that halloween is for scary stuff not our Army/America pride! The girls had a lot of fun and got so much candy! We had a good weekend. We had a special speaker on Sunday, he called Wade and I to minister to us about 3 times. When he first started talking about people needing a touch and to feel loved I sat in my seat. I said to myself, "God, I know you love me but I'm not going anywhere right now I can't, if you have something to tell me or want to minister to me, you will have to come to me" Within a minute the minister was in front of Wade and I, and kept coming back. In the service last night, he came up to us again and asked if we were the couple that was sitting across the aisle that morning and again wanted to minister to us. He said, " I don't know what your need is, but God knows and wants you to know again like this morning, everything is going to be alright. You both have been on my mind all afternoon so I prayed for you all afternoon." Wade talked to our pastor after service and he told Wade that he told the minister nothing about what we had been going through. I am amazed at the love of my Savior. I have always known that he loves me but I guess I feel he is really showing me right now when I need it most. I still hurt but feel strengthened and encouraged. I hope your Sunday was encouraging as well and don't forget to vote tomorrow!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Later she explained another reason she had the baby tested is because we have 2 healthy girls and when our son died without a reason, there can be reasons in the genetics. They ran a ton of tests on me and took 8 tubes of blood. There could be a clotting issue with me or a disorder on the x chromosome because the girls have two x's they would be fine but the one x could have caused death, or an issue with me thyroid or a few other things with long explanations.
The good news is that if any of those come up in the testing, they can give me something so it would not happen again. The bad news is if nothing comes back, there is no telling what happened. At this point, I truly don't know which would be harder to hear - there is no reason or there was a reason and all you need is this... Each has difficulties.
I am so blessed to have the doctor I do. The way that office works is you see all the doctors and then you can choose which one you want to keep but if your doctor is not on call then you will at least know the delievering doctor. That was my day to see her. I know God had planned on me being with her on that particular day.
Wade and I have talked about this recently and truly feel this is an attack from the devil. A few months ago we were constantly bickering and couldn't seem to see eye to eye on anything. After a few weeks of this, Wade said," Have you noticed since we said yes to the call of ministry, we have been attacked in our relationship?" I had not put a timeline on it but obviously had noticed how hard things were. We decided we were not going to be blind to it, we were going to fight it.
Right now, Wade and I are closer than we have been in a long time. We are holding on to each other and the promises of God like never before. We hate being separated and while that has always been the case, it is something we got used to with his deployments. Now, we have a hard time going to class without each other. We miss each other's company too much. But it hasn't been just since losing our baby, we got closer before this, this has cememted it.
But God was not suprised by this, He knew and had been preparing us in our relationship, in things I had read, etc. He is hurting with us and crying with us but he is also feeding us and preparing us for what comes next. Nothing happens without God's knowledge and consent. Do I think God took my son? Absolutely not! I believe satan wanted to destroy us and since he couldn't destroy what Wade and I have he decided to attack something we could do nothing about. Does know all this make this any easier? No! But in the midst of our pain, we have hope and trust God with everything is us that good is coming from this.
We don't know what that will be, whether a ministry for other parents who have lost children or what. There is a need for it. I know that my dad is holding my son and Wade says teaching him to play instruments (my dad was a talented musician)He and my brother are playing with him but I so wish that we could here on earth. May God give you the hope you have been seeking.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
But Wade and I have had nothing but kindness from so many people. On the Wednesday I found out that my son had died, I had 2 checks in my purse that I was going to take to the bank after my appointment. Obviously we did not go there and quickly forgot about them until a couple of days ago when we noticed a couple of overdraft fees and realized the checks were still in my purse. We went to the bank and I went inside to try and explain. We needed that money back and as much as I did not want to go in there I knew I should.
I went to a teller and asked for a supervisor, she asked me what I needed and I told her what happened. She apologized and said she would get someone. When she came back she came up to me and hugged me and said " I am so sorry and am praying for you." I went to the supervisors office and she came up to me and hugged me with tears in her eyes and apologized. She took care of the overdraft fees without a problem and when she came back after depositing the checks she asked," Do you mind if I pray with you?" ( can you tell I live in a small town?) I told her it would be nice. She prayed a beautiful prayer and then began to ask me questions about my baby and let me sit there and talk about him. It was so sweet and comforting. She cried with me. I know I have sat and cried with people I knew that have been through this and other situations, I always felt I might be making them feel worse but am an easy crier and can't turn it off. But I now know that having someone sit and feel your pain so much they cry with you means the world to one who is struggling.
At the end of her prayer she prayed, " And God when it's your time, give them another child, not to take this one's place but to fill her arms again" It was beautiful. I do know I want at least one more child, it is not to take the place of this baby and as I told my husband, I could have 10 more children but would always be missing one. Every family photo, holiday meal, and every day I will look at my children and know that one is not here with me and will miss him forever. At the same time I am so scared to attempt another pregnancy. I have looked up the stats and know that after a miscarriage 90% go on to have a full term pregnancy. But 10% sound like too much to not have a full term pregnancy, after all there was only a 3% chance I would miscarry at the stage I was. I know it is fear and that is not from God but it is something we as a couple are having to face. But I do know that my God has me and will not let go of me.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
At this very moment last week I was delivering my son. It was so painful, emotionally and physically but I would go back to that moment to hold him again. I would live with that awful physical pain to not have this emotional pain. I know there is a reason that we are going through this. I may never know what it is in lifetime but I know my God would not put me through this for no reason. That is my lifeline right now. I am holding onto that assurance as if my life depended on it and truly it does. I know it probably hasn't sounded lately as though that is my hope but it is. I still grieve and know that a place in my heart will always hurt for this child but I know my Savior has me in His hands right now and is loving me.
I have to go take my test now but I will continue this later.Or way later as in the next day - oh well. I took the test and have no idea how I did. Usually, I can guess but truly I could have made an F or an A. I made it through my classes though crying at some point in each one. I have one class today and I am done until Monday. If it were not for financial aid I would quit school this semester. But if I do, my financial aid will go back and I will owe the school money I can't pay. So I will stick it out and pray this semester ends soon.
I have never in my life felt this needy,but there is nothing anyone can do for me. We have had people ask but there truly is nothing that can be done. In the tough times in my life, when Ainsley was born and Wade was in Iraq, when my brother died, when my dad died, all of those times I wanted to be with people. I knew that would help me but through this, I don't mind if people come over but I don't want to go anywhere. I want to stay at home. Well, I guess I am going to lay down now. i just took Ainsley to school and Wade and Renah are still sleeping so I am going to rest now. Thank you for the sweet comments and prayers.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
We got out for a little while yesterday to the apple festival down town. I knew I needed to for the girls. It isn't fair to keep them cooped up in the house just because I don't want to go anywhere. I feel as though I would be fine to stay in my jammies and lay on the couch for a few more weeks. But I have tests and presentations and all kinds of junk due. The world goes on through my grief. I feel so appreciative to those who have brought us meals, flowers and cards. But I feel as though I should be able to say something more than thank you. When I had my back surgery, and was physically unable to get up, I didn't feel like I needed to be a hostess when someone came by. But now I feel like I can't get up I have nothing to offer anyone right now. I just need to sit and grieve. I know that is what I am supposed to do but I can't even make an effort to get dressed. I obviosly had to get dressed when we went downtown I don't know what possesed me but I tried on my old jeans and they fit. It is like my body forgot that I was pregnant. It was heartbreaking. I know it doen't make sense everyone wants to get into their old jeans as quickly as possible but it is too soon for me. I feel like most of my grief doesn't make sense.
Last Tuesday night I started bleeding some. I called the dr he said if I wasn't cramping it was probably nothing. I told him I had had some pains for a few weeks but I thought it was ligament stretching so I don't think much about it. He said it probably was. He told me to lie down and come see him in the morning. I already had an appointment, so he told me to keep it but if things go worse during the night to call him back. I was still worried so I called my mil who was a nurse. She told me the same thing. I didn't sleep too well that night and in the morning was still bleeding. I went to my appoinment and saw a female dr. She examined me and tried to get a heartbeat but couldn't. She still didn't seem worried but said she had to get an ultrasound anyway and knew that the longer she didn't get a heartbeat it would just worry me. We went to get the ultrasound down the hall.
The technican found the baby and he wasn't moving, then she put up the heartbeat on the screen and looked at the dr. I started crying as did the doctor. She apoligized and said the baby was dead. I knew as soon as she looked at the doctor. Truth be told I felt something was wrong for awhile. I couldn't explain it so I thought it was me just being paraniod. The doctor said even if I had come in there wasn't anything they could have done but I had that I didn't trust my instincts. Everything that wasn't normal could be explained as normal. Weird things happen during pregnancy and most of the time is normal.
We told the girls when they got home the next day. They too have had good moments and bad. My youngest suprised me at how emotional she has been and at how compassionate towards me she has been. She and her sister were arguing and Renah came to me and asked,"mommy, am I still a big sister?" I told her she would always be a big sister. She went back to insley and said " see I told you!" She was so excited about being a big sister and she is just not in the way she had hoped or I had hoped for that matter. I know this has been a long post but I think I needed to get it out today. Thank you.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
I love the pumpkin spice lattes and frapachinos at Starbucks
I love the crisp air
I love the smell of the air
I love the beautiful colors in nature and fashion
I love the boots
I love love love Thanksgiving!
and oh so much more but really I am sounding like a dork! So I'm not the only dork, leave comments about your favorite season and why you love it. Fall puts me in such a good mood! I have a date with hubby tonight and am so excited and tomorrow is the pumpkin patch - yet another good reason to love fall! Have a great fall day!
Sunday, October 5, 2008
While I wait with my migraine coming on from being so tired,I will tell you about my day. Laundry anyone? We were embarrassingly behind on laundry. We had piles of it by the laundry room so I stayed home all day and did laundry until I could see that floor. So glad that is done only to have the girls get ready for bath and give me more laundry! I still have to clean the rest of the house, I didn't want to get too involved in cleaning today b/c I wanted to be able to fold the laundry right as it came out of the dryer so it wouldn't just sit there as it normally does. So I just did some picking up in between loads so I wouldn't have so many things going at once. Exciting day, huh?
Last night I went grocery shopping. I haven't done a big shopping trip in forever! On the way to the store my ever logical youngest child made me laugh. She was saying she was going to have 5 babies and 5 kids (10 children total). The she said she was going to have 3 husbands. I asked her why she wanted more than one husband, without a pause she said," momma, I'm going to have 5 babies and 5 kids, I will need help rocking!" I thought I was going to loose it! I told her that when she had kids I would help her rock her babies so she wouldn't have to have so many husbands! It amazes me sometimes that she is only 3. Well, I am going to get some crackers and watch some more tv while I wait. I hope everything is alright!
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
We have all been battling with colds and allergies and as soon as the weather changes, I get so many migraines. I have had one for 3 days now. Thankfully, it has been a mild one, but 3 days is a bit much! We have church tonight so I just did some cooking for it. We serve a meal before service so we are usually busy on Wednesdays. Wade was so sweet this morning, he skipped his morning class to take Ainsley to school so I could sleep some more. It was very appreciated!
Renah is funny, when she wakes up in the mornings, there is a tiny window that you can get her back to sleep. So on the days that I take Ainsley and Wade doesn't have to be anywhere, I can take Renah to our bed. She protests but only for a minute then she is out! Well, I need to finish making the egg salad sandwiches so we can get going. Have a good evening!
Monday, September 22, 2008
Online, they won't let me upgrade so when they came back to the phone I asked to be transferred again to check on my phone. The woman on the phone said b/c I couldn't get them online I could speak with someone in sales to get the online prices so she transfers me. 35 min later, the guy gets on the phone and is telling me that b/c there is a problem with my premier account, he cannot get my info to come up correctly and will have to submit a ticket which will take about a week to fix. Then askes for a work email address, I inform him Wade and I are both students and don't have a job, which he then replies,"Then they won't fix it, you have to have a work email address." I am thinking he is kidding but nope very serious! I told him I really miss Cingular b/c they never had issues like this. Wade will be calling back to try and get this taken care of. I was so irritated! 85 minutes of my day gone and no phone to show for it!
The worst part is for us, this has been the best company (again before they merged) Sprint was awful as was Verizon! GRRR! Well, I hae a ginormous test tomorrow so I have to study!
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
We had our first ultrasound Monday. I checked Ainsley out a couple of hours early so she could go with us. The girls were so excited. We got a few really good pictures and so far everything looks good! 7 more weeks until they do the next one, we should be able to find out the gender then. That seems like forever away! Hope you all have a great day!
Saturday, September 6, 2008
No, not my baby! It's too early for that! So who is a girl? Miley, our new shelter rescue dog! She is about a 2 year old basenji - beagle mix. She is housebroken (except for one accident), does not bark, and very gentle. We have been rying to go look at dogs at this shelter for a few weeks but it is always closed, we finally found it open and I took the girls. We had been talking about getting a dog but not too seriously.
We went in there and there were 2 dogs. One was a big, loud, hyper dog - instant no, then there was Sandy (she never answered to that name so we changed it) We got her out to play with her and Renah - little miss scared of nearly every dog known to man- fell in love with her! The dog at one point jumped on her and she laughed! I told them we would talk to daddy. So we went and picked him up from class and took him there. They told us we could always bring the dog back and get the money back if she didn't work for us. We left and talked about it, Wade had another class but told me to go back and get her and we would try her out.
We have had a couple a issues which can be expected. She runs out if a door is open and is really hard to catch. We didn't want to leave her going though the whole house for the couple of hours we weren't there so we put her in the bathoom - she chewed the base boards. We don't have to leave her but about 5 hours a week. Otherwise, I take her and Renah to meet Wade when I have a class and visa versa. She has been really good for Renah with Ainsley being in kindergarten. She is a very sweet dog and I think is fitting in well with us. I am hoping she stays sweet, and good natured! Have a good day!
Saturday, August 30, 2008
The only reason I am getting the education degree is that I am so close to finishing that one, my masters will be in counseling. One of my professors said something in class that struck me. She said, that when you know you are in the field you are supposed to be in it will not feel like work. Even the classes won't feel like drudgery. Right now that is how I feel about my education courses - drudgery! I am doing it because it is the way I feel I should go to make things easier for me but I love my counseling course. I have always loved the psychology classes I took. I wish I had listened to that voice inside when I was younger but at least I realized before I started teaching. I feel that one should not teach if it is not in their heart. The kids will know!
Ok, off my soap box! Right now I am enjoying a little bit of me time. My hubby and girls are napping and I am watching a Hallmark movie and blogging - jealous? Hubby just got up and made it all the way to the chair and fell back asleep! So I am going to stop this for today and I hope you all have a wonderful Labor Day!
Friday, August 22, 2008
I once told Wade I know God was testing me when I had to go through the birth of our first child by myself. I have always felt like I failed that test horribly! I couldn't understand why a loving caring God would allow that. I know there are so many worse things that could have happened to us, but that was very difficult for me at the time. I do feel so much stronger than I did then but I don't want to feel like I have failed the test we are going through now! So if you think about it, pray for my family as we hit some trials. Pray that we will not look to our surroundings for our answers but to our Lord. He can make every dollar stretch and every tank of gas last longer than it should. I know He has opened this door for us and will not let us fall.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
I didn't do anything this weekend b/c I worked all day Saturday for new student orientation. I got home and took a two hour nap, then spent the evening with my girls and went back to bed as soon as I could. Sunday we went to church, came home and took a nap and went back to church. I put a load of laundry on before I went to bed last night because I had nothing to wear today. So I will go home after work and probably take another nap!
Classes begin on Wednesday and I am really nervous. I am too old for this! On one hand it may be easier I won't be distracted by boys! So if you think about it this week, send up a prayer for me as we begin this new schedule. It will be a tough adjustment but hopefully worth it in the end!
Friday, August 15, 2008
Thursday, August 14, 2008
We stayed as close as possible to the bathroom because we have 2 little girls who have to pee every 10 minutes and if they mention it, then I have to go as well! And we wanted to be close enough to be able to watch the girls go on their own because it makes them feel like big girls. There was a family bathroom that only had the one stall so I felt ok letting them go in there by themselves.
The first night we had our nice big air mattress and we were ready for bed. But a couple of hours into the night, Wade moved and was catipulted into him. Our feet we several inches above our heads and I couldn't get back to my side of the bed. I would almost get comfotable again and Wade would move and again I would be thrown over on him. At one point when that happened I was comfortable but Wade said his neck was at a weird angle so I had to move. Ainsley woke up at about 3 to go to the bathroom and I made Wade take her because again I am a big scaredy cat then realized I too had to go. So I made Wade stand outside the tent to wait for me! We took the air mattress back to the bathroom to blow it up again (which did not stay up!)
We struggled for the next few hours to sleep and finally as the sun was coming up i moved to the end of the matress and laid across Wade's feet. That acually seemed to even things out a bit and we were able to sleep for a couple of hours. We had 2 birthday parties we had already commited to on Saturday so we headed down the mountain to sleepily go but a present and get to the party. Can you guess what else we bought? Yep! A brand new air mattress! Which did work much better.
Renah is like me - terrified of bugs! I was trying so hard to be brave but Renah didn't care she screamed every time she saw a cricket or a "recipie" (that is what she called the centipede). Ainsley was so great she would step on them or take them away from us. Such the brave girl! All in all it was a relaxing weekend but I am really trying to convince the girls that hotels are really THE vacation spot! Well, I have my first OB appt in a few minutes so I am going to get my things together. have a good day!
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
I was also thinking about my brother through my reflecting. My brother was 11 years older than me and when he tuned 30, I let him have it. I made a copy of his key and decorated his house in gravestones and black balloons. I decorated his car, and made him a cake shaped like a gravestone saying "RIP to Glen's childhood." It was a blast and he told me one day he would return the favor. He had a heart attack and died at the age of 37. He left behind 4 kids. Today, I miss him like I never have before because I know no matter how far apart we would have been, he would have done something crazy to me today.
But I am trying not to let this big birthday get me down and enjoy what the next 10 years will bring. So I hope you all have had a great day and have a great week!
Thursday, July 31, 2008
I had the worst soup at lunch today. It was the mexican chicken tortilla soup from Campbell's Healthy Request line. Don't buy it! I managed to get down about 3 bites and threw the rest away I could not handle any more. Now I am hungry and am going to look for a snack. On a good note, I have had 72 ounces of water today and am about to go get another 24 ounces. I got a new bottle for my water and I don't know if it's the straw or the pretty pink color but I am drinking tons of water. So much so that I don't feel guilty about the occasional soda or sweet tea. It's Thursday and tomorrow's Friday! Woo hoo!!! I don't think we are doing much this weekend but it a couple of days off and that is always exciting! Well, if I don't hear from you have a great weekend!
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
We went somewhere yesterday and we knew when the first person greeted us, this place was not for us. We didn't want to be rude so we stayed (it was a small church - they would have noticed us leaving!). We had heard good things about this place but it was not at all what we expected. It is amazing to me how one person can walk into a church and love it and know that is where they are supposed to be and another person walk in and know that is not where they are supposed to be. It's the same church, they believe what you do, but it just isn't where you fit.
We have found some places that are ok, but when I go to church I want to feel as though I belong and am needed. Because I do know that feeling, I want to know instantly! That may be the wrong approach but I know that we are on a limited time frame of when we have to find a church home and become involved. I don't want to visit month after month waiting to know if that is the place or not. For one, my girls have their friends and then we leave - try explaining that to a 3 and 5 year old. They don't understand why we don't fit there when they are fine there.
Aside from that, the weekend went pretty well. We tried a new pizza place Friday night and Ross finally opened! I walked in and it was so weird - it smelled exactly the same as the one in Texas. It's like they have filtered "Ross" air. I of course found some great things.
My SIL bought me some maternity capris since I will not be in my regular ones for much longer. I found a cute dress and jacket and some really cute flats. I do not normally wear flats but with having to walk all over campus next sememster pregnant no less I thought I had better find some cute flats. I don't wear sneakers that often. I generally only wear them to work out or when I feel really grungy. Not that there is anything wrong with them ( I feel like Seinfeld right now - "not that there is anything wrong with that"!) I even like some of the new sneakers that are non athletic and are mostly for looks but I don't know how much use I would get out of them. I love that store. You have to have time to look though. i left the girls with Wade and his uncle at the pizza place and walked over so I could have some time to look.
It is the kind of store you can't go looking for something specfic or you won't find a thing! But if you go just looking for general "clothes" or "shoes" you can usually find something. I love it for kids clothes too! Well, I guess I will end this super long post for today. Have a great day!
1) Link to the person who tagged me.
2) Mention the rules
3) Tell six quirky yet boring, unspectacular details about myself.
4) Tag 6 other blogger´s by linking to them.
5) Go to each person’s blog and leave a comment that lets them know they’ve been tagged.
Ok, here goes - I don't know if I have done this link thing correctly or not!
1- Right now I answer phone and questions all day - really annoying!
2- I cannot drink water from a bathroom sink, even to rinse my mouth after brushing completely grosses me out!
3- I love jammie parties with my little girls. We put our jammies on, eat popcorn and watch movies. I love that they want to be with me and do these things. I will continue this for as long as I can!
4- I enjoy housecleaning. One wouldn't know this by looking at my house right now! But there is something theraputic about cleaning.
5- I have had 6 eye surgeries begining at age 2 and the last one was at 27. I will probably have to have a few more.
6- I love being pregnant! I don't get morning sickness, just tired but I can deal with that. I feel best about myself and I don't focus on my flaws. I would stay about 6 months pregnant if I could!
Lisa (A Day in our Lives)
Jennifer (Cincinatti Pilgrims)
Cresta (My Three Sons)
Tippa (Tippa's European Adventure)
Jo-Lynn (Musings of a Housewife)
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Thank you for the congratulations on my expanding belly - I mean family! Wade says he is excited about it but he is so stressed out he can't sleep. He is concerned about finances with a 3rd child. This is such a switch for us. Usually I am the one who worries about everything and he says, "Don't worry, God will provide for us, have some faith!" Which of course bugs me b/c I do try but things stress me out. Now he is the one worried and I am the laid back one. Let me tell you, I would prefer it the other way.
We went to the mall last night to buy me a new bra since as some of you may know, that area is the first thing to expand! He couldn't enjoy the looking at baby stuff because all he saw were price tags. So if you would please pray for my husband that he would let God take his concerns and worries and depend on Him in this time. I just want to be excited about our news - I can worry tomorrow, because tomorrow is another day!