Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the day I have been dreading for nearly 6 months. It would have been my due date. The whole month has been difficult. I have known of several women who were due around the same time as I was and have all had their baby. It is just so hard.
It is not that I am not grateful for the child I am carrying for I know that this child would not be in exsistance had I not lost Mishael. But no one should have to choose one child's life over another and no matter how many children I have, I will always miss him and know one of my children are missing.
I would love to go to bed tonight and not get out of bed until tomorrow is over but unfortunately there are tests and so many things going on I can't do that. I am so sad tonight and miss him terribly.